Toxicity
by Yain
Summary: When Miku thinks she has finally met the right person, nothing quite happens the way she had ever hoped for. Negitoro OS


Toxicity by Yain

Recommended song : 1/4 by VocaCircus ft. KAITO

* * *

Would you say that someone out there is waiting for you?

In all honesty, the closest answer, or rather, the most honest one that Miku would answer is simply…

No.

If there was one thing that the woman was thankful for regarding her past relationships, it was probably the fact that they had all helped her become the strong shell that she now was. A shell that was purely and simply unbreakable now…

… but also unpredictable and unreadable.

Miku wouldn't love nobody anymore, not because she didn't want to… because she simply couldn't. And somewhere, even after so long, she couldn't help but feed the well-hidden feelings of ressent inside of her.

Miku was, unwillingly, driven with rage.

* * *

How happy was she today! She had just joined this cool and neat community and the people on there were so nice, and loving but granted: only one person had caught her attention but Android_03 was far too busy talking to the others to even engage in a deep conversation with the newcomer that Hoto was.

Hoto instantly caught the attention of most people chatting on there. Quite instantly, she had seemed like the kind of outgoing girl, trying to label everyone as her sister or brother even though she'd been in the server for literally thirty minutes at most. Truly, nobody really minded and soon, she was even joining the vocal chat to laugh and chat with two other users on there, one was going by the nickname of LL and the other called himself Handy. For the most part, these people were just as fun as she'd expected them to be when they were simply chatting together on text channels. She was laughing so much, her abs were hurting.

That continued all the while she would text chat with this Android_03, who seemed very busy most of the time: so much that she only logged around the evening, and truth was, Hoto was happy with it. She was always speaking to LL and Handy about her, or rather, about how she was so impatient that she logged in to chat.

At some point, Hoto was so curious that she couldn't help but pressure the woman to join them on vocal and the woman did and told the team she had actually ordered a mic just to be able to chat with them too. Hoto realised that this person was a internet newbie; who didn't have a mic nowadays? Most gamer did have one… and the app they were all using was a gaming chat app too! She concluded that it was mostly unusual.

A few weeks passed as they were all chatting together on most days of the week, their vocal session extending more and more, sometimes ending at two or three in the morning when most of the participants had classes in the morning the next day.

Needless to say: Hoto, while she was happy, was pretty tired. This woman she was speaking to was so incredibly interesting! She couldn't wait for the day when she'd receive her microphone so that she finally would be able to listen to her voice. Somehow, she already knew that she wouldn't be disappointed…

And that day, she wasn't. Although Android_03 had been somewhat hesitant at first to unmute herself, her first word, simply a "hello", killed Hoto's mind. LL and Handy laughed for days reminding her all the time what had her reaction been once she heard And's voice. It wasn't so surprising for Hoto: she had always liked deeper voice for women, these kind of low raspy voices that you just wanted to hear directly spoken in your ear. Granted, wearing a headset and talking to Android_03 was probably as close to the dream as she could experience at the time.

So for weeks and months, they kept talking on a daily basis, until they finally exchanged numbers to be able to text each other. By then, Hoto had already introduced herself to the woman as Hatsune Miku, Hoto being a nickname she'd made based on the meanings of the kanji in her name, H for Hatsu and Oto for Ne, which was a different reading of the second kanji in her surname.

The other woman was called Megurine Luka. Miku found that the woman's name fitted her perfectly, and as for the nickname, she'd just mentioned that she liked androids and the number three. Simple, Efficient and Original had answered Miku to the explanation.

Generally, everything was going well, Miku knew she was slowly falling in love with the woman, even though they'd never met. On the contrary, she wasn't so sure about the woman. While Luka had clearly specified that, yes she was into women, Miku found it hard to believe that anybody as exceptional as this girl would like her.

From what she'd learnt, the woman was studying some business course in University and was pretty much leading life whereas Miku found that she was mostly led by life. Truth to be told, the small girl, despite her bubbly cheerful personality, was rather depressed. She had nobody to take care of her, nobody to be considered as really close friend, nobody to support her fit of sadness. She would most of the time come home after university, take her laptop and browse the net on her bed until sleep finally came to her…

… or that had been what she'd been doing before she started talking with this odd and interesting woman.

The two women weren't in the same country, one was from Japan, and the other, although Japanese had moved to the United States at early age which is why Miku had been enjoying so much the sound of her voice when they were both discussing in English. While her own accent was strong, Luka's was somewhat… mixed. IT was mostly American yet you would still be able to hear her Japanese accent on rare occasions, when she was starting to feel tired for example.

Everything was going well, until finally, another woman joined the server and started to tie a close relationship with Luka. While Miku had kindly asked, at first, that this new girl did not get involved with who she considered to be her crush, the girl had just said okay but continued to act on her whims.

So when Luka and Miku had their first fight, it was as if they were already dating and fighting about one giving too much time to another girl who wasn't supposed to be involved with them. Following the event, the women stopped talking for three full days, something that had never happened in the four past months since they'd started talking and truthfully, when Miku came back to apologise, feeling as if she'd been the one asking too much when they weren't even dating, everything somehow, fit back together… in a odd way. It was now as if a puzzle piece had been forced into a spot that wasn't supposed to be fitting.

Miku was getting jealous of this Aria woman, always growing on Luka, like a octopus trying to squeeze its prey more and more with every passing second. Miku was losing control over herself and over the relationship, over what had helped her to stay out of bed, away from depressing thoughts. She hated this woman who was eating the relationship away yet, she always harbored a smile and talked as if it was okay because, what else could she do? Her selfishness had brought up a fight...

But had it truly been her fault alone? She didn't know for sure.

So when she had to leave for one week for a Vocal training -she was a singer-, and unwillingly, leave the two girls to be able to talk to each other for the entire duration of her training, while she could have been the one to talk all the time to Luka, everything that emerged from it in the end was once again a fight, and a rupture in the talk for another two days, leaving her feeling worst than before.

Luka, she had noticed, always managed to use the most hurtful words when sending her messages, deeply affecting her in a manipulative way, making the tealette feel that she was always the one asking too much and hindering the relationship, jeopardizing it.

So when after somehow making up, Luka told Miku that she'd be better off finding someone else, and Miku, heartbroken, took her at heart. And all she started talking about on their server wasn't about Luka anymore but instead how she had noticed a very tall and interesting woman in her class... how she liked her features amongs other things, because what could she do? Luka didn't care anyway, or seemingly didn't.

Yet, it wasn't even a surprise when shortly after, Luka told Miku that they should stop talking again and this time, Miku, as pissed as she was, let her go because fuck her, did she think. She had had enough of this woman that she loved manipulating her every feelings only to feed her very own comfort. It was done, over. And yet the bitter feelings left after the events still managed, _again_ , to make her feel guilty. She hated every second of it and after some days, she messaged Luka, _again_ , and after talking it out, _again_ , they made up, _again_.

Truth was, that fight had been rather destructive because, they had scheduled to meet in the US for the first time, and after it, nothing was sure anymore. Luka had even been talking about reimbursing Miku for the fees of the travel which altogether pissed Miku even more. How selfish was this girl to believe that she wouldn't be able to manage properly on her own? If she was going there, Luka or not, she'd be able to do things.

As time went on, their relationship once blooming and beautiful, turned more and more sour. Even after they met, Luka wasn't as caring as she had used to be, and mostly dedicated herself to talking with Aria. She'd left Miku hanging in the airport because she didn't like partings and when she had told her that she would be coming to Japan soon, partly to make Miku stop crying, partly to feel less guilty about leaving the girl like that, in the end, she set to visit Aria and not Miku. It was heartbreaking, shattering even. As much as Miku wanted to put an end to it, she simply couldn't. She loved the girl so much that whatever she did only trapped her more. She was the prey in the middle of a Spider's web.

So when they decided to all meet at Aria's place for New Year, not only Miku did hate every minute of it, but they once again fought in front of everyone, in person this time. Luka and Aria had left everyone for almost one hour and a half, while they all had been waiting and could hear them giggling and laughing from the other room. In the end, Miku had screamed so loud that the girls came back, surprised, and Miku had yelled everything that she was feeling, how she hated every second, how she couldn't believe what had happened, how she had been crying on her friend's laps because it was painful to hear.

And Luka had run away crying in the kitchen which had only fueled Miku's anger when remembering that Luka had always been accusing her of running away. She followed the girl yelling louder, and when she'd seen Luka cry, her anger had suddenly transformed into a feeling of sheer and real sadness, so much that the girls, both aware of their wrongdoings started hugging and crying on each other for what seemed like hours.

And yet, after the events, and after going home, Miku decided it wasn't possible anymore and cut ties with Luka. She was hurting too much. And Luka agreed at first. Only, when someone asked Miku out and Miku was hesitating about accepting or turning the girl down, Luka who had been told about it by a common friend, came back on her white horse begging Miku not to accept and to turn down the woman, asking her to wait three weeks until she, herself, decided whether she wanted to date the tealette or not.

And after two weeks, it was already enough for Miku. She couldn't bear with the fact that this woman was once again controlling and manipulating her into waiting, forever waiting. They called and cried and decided that it wasn't possible in the end, and deleted each other _again_ , cutting ties, _again_.

Again _._ Miku was gradually starting to feel better, getting on with her life slowly, getting drinks with friends, and when the woman spammed her for one hour straight on her personal Facebook, Miku got so pissed that she ended telling her that she wouldn't answer her for the next two days. She didn't need to care more than what she was already caring. When Friday came, Miku had passed her semester, managed to make the TEDx conference she'd been helping in a success and thus, decided to give Luka a chance.

In the two following days, Luka broke two of the promises she'd made two days earlier which led Miku to break up with her right after the weekend, angered, sad and heartbroken as ever. When that happened again, it seemed final this time so Miku decided to stop caring altogether, to find people to fool with, to kiss here and there, women and men together, even if men weren't quite what she liked. And when she finally told Luka about the events, the woman got so overly pissed, that Miku remembered about every lies Luka had told her, how she was experienced but she actually wasn't. A well placed slap in the face, judged Miku. They removed each other once again from everywhere.

Two weeks went by and Miku, as she always loved it, was enjoying a nice McDonald's breakfast. She enjoyed her early university classes because she was able to get McDonald's right after they ended. And in her mails, when she checked, was sitting a confession from Luka, claiming how much she had been mistaken and how things weren't Miku's fault but both of their's, claiming how much she loved her and wanted her back, begging for forgiveness.

And for the first time, Miku felt powerful in this relationship. As happy as she was, as much as she loved the woman, she felt powerful and in control. She almost had this woman wrapped around her finger, what more could she ask?

They started dating, Luka came to Japan to see only Miku this time, as far as coming early and during that week… nothing happened.

Nothing at all.

And when Miku asked for explanations?

Luka said she had never once desired Miku in a physical way and had most likely mixed love for affection.

Then, Miku knew, it was the breaking point.

In the weeks that followed, Miku, hurt and tired did not even care about telling the woman what she felt or wanted anymore. She had been lied to and betrayed so many times, and yet this woman deserved compassion and care?

Luka didn't deserve anything from Miku and Miku simply removed her and blocked her.

Feeling guilty after a month, Miku decided to write to Luka, to her address.

And when she was rewarded with a picture of her letter, shattered and ripped apart on the floor, unopened, seeing the tiny drawing she'd especially made on the envelop, Miku cried.

Miku cried.

Miku cried but felt better.

Miku would show this woman what anger could make one achieve. She would become better than this broken Luka.

She would never be controlled: she would control.

She would use her rage and never let anyone break her again.

Nobody was waiting for her.

Only her real inner self had been.

* * *

A/N: Thank you for reading. Know that every toxic relationship comes to an end, it's a matter of how strong one is to end it.

I missed writing by the way. Peace & Love.

And again, thanks for reading!


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